It's been a long, cold and snowy winter for about 2/3rds of the country this year and many of us are disgusted and depressed.
I hate winter, always have and the last two winters here in the Northeast/Middle Atlantic have been bears.
I've always been afraid of driving in snow and for the last 50 years have struggled to find ways of getting back and forth to work when Mother Nature was behaving at her worst. I'm tired now and have to admit to myself that not only do I not want to do this any more but that I can't do this any more.
I was doing OK this year until a few weeks ago when I slipped on the ice while cleaning off my car and injured an already bad arm. It's been difficult trying to get to work and care for my 94-year old mother with basically one arm, also not 100%. I now have a medical issue to deal with and I'm not happy about it.
But what a surprise it was to go to the Weather Channel website and see that starting on Saturday we can look forward to 8 days of sunny weather in the mid-40's. I can only hope that the storm we're having today (March 5th) is the absolute LAST of this long miserable season.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Dealing with a Parent With Dementia
If someone had told me what my life was going to be like 10 years ago, I never would have believed them. You see, my mother is 94 with several health issues, one of which is that she suffers from dementia.
The easy part, but one that is actually quite aggravating, is continually having to answer the same question 5 or 10 times in a matter of minutes without losing one's patience. The hard part, however, is that when a lapse or a trigger has the parent convinced for the moment that you stole their money which happened to me just this morning, well then that can turn into a living hell.
It was fortunate that the woman who looks after my mother while I'm at work was able to settle the issue with the bank and called me and that I was able (for the moment) to remind my mother that she had 2 accounts (a checking and a savings account) and that what she was looking at was just the statement for the checking account. Once she realized she had blamed me for doing something I didn't do, then she became embarrassed and as equally as upset as she had when she thought I did her wrong.
I could NEVER steal from my mother, or anyone for that matter. In fact, for the last 2 years, I've been paying 2/3rds of the cost for the aide as well as an additional $1800 to replace her bottom denture which she wasn't going to replace when she accidently lost her top plate. All in all, I've spent about $10,000 of my own money thus far caring for her these past few years, trying to keep her out of a nursing home so that if there is anything left over, I can give it to my sister who has struggled financially all her life. And this year, with the added care she needs, I'll be spending $7300 of my own money. All money that is supposed to have been for my own years of retirement and future medical care.
One of my mother's obsessions is that she thinks she has to "hide" her wallet, etc. and every time I have to write a check or get grocery money, it takes an hour or more of searching for her to remember where she put it. In fact, one time she had put her wallet in a garbage pail that was filled with plastic bags that she uses. I told her that if something had happened to her I would never have looked through it, I would have just pitched it in the dumpster. And the funny part is that she's basically housebound so there isn't any reason for her to have to hide it. As such, I now keep her checkbook and savings account book (she lost her original one about 2 years ago) with me. And I've been dealing with the bills as they come in and don't make a big deal of it any more.
I don't know if any of you have ever read any posts when it comes to food stamps or people on Medicaid going to nursing homes etc., but many times there are "younger" posters who come out and write some pretty nasty things. First of all what they don't know is that assisted living and nursing home care IS expensive. Second, it's usually those with money who know and do protect the money/house so that there parent's bill is paid by Medicaid. Third, not everyone wants the taxpayer to foot the bill for such care, but that money does run out eventually. In my mother's case, in the area where I live and cost of care here, her money would run out in about 16 months. After that, then Medicaid would have to foot the bill. And fourth, there are those of us who have family members who could use the financial help and like me are doing whatever they can to keep the parent out of such facilities for as long as they can hoping that there may be something left over when the parent is gone to give the needy sibling.
Whatever one wants to believe, you will never truly understand what it's like dealing with a situation like this until you're actually in it or close to someone who is going through it. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.
The easy part, but one that is actually quite aggravating, is continually having to answer the same question 5 or 10 times in a matter of minutes without losing one's patience. The hard part, however, is that when a lapse or a trigger has the parent convinced for the moment that you stole their money which happened to me just this morning, well then that can turn into a living hell.
It was fortunate that the woman who looks after my mother while I'm at work was able to settle the issue with the bank and called me and that I was able (for the moment) to remind my mother that she had 2 accounts (a checking and a savings account) and that what she was looking at was just the statement for the checking account. Once she realized she had blamed me for doing something I didn't do, then she became embarrassed and as equally as upset as she had when she thought I did her wrong.
I could NEVER steal from my mother, or anyone for that matter. In fact, for the last 2 years, I've been paying 2/3rds of the cost for the aide as well as an additional $1800 to replace her bottom denture which she wasn't going to replace when she accidently lost her top plate. All in all, I've spent about $10,000 of my own money thus far caring for her these past few years, trying to keep her out of a nursing home so that if there is anything left over, I can give it to my sister who has struggled financially all her life. And this year, with the added care she needs, I'll be spending $7300 of my own money. All money that is supposed to have been for my own years of retirement and future medical care.
One of my mother's obsessions is that she thinks she has to "hide" her wallet, etc. and every time I have to write a check or get grocery money, it takes an hour or more of searching for her to remember where she put it. In fact, one time she had put her wallet in a garbage pail that was filled with plastic bags that she uses. I told her that if something had happened to her I would never have looked through it, I would have just pitched it in the dumpster. And the funny part is that she's basically housebound so there isn't any reason for her to have to hide it. As such, I now keep her checkbook and savings account book (she lost her original one about 2 years ago) with me. And I've been dealing with the bills as they come in and don't make a big deal of it any more.
I don't know if any of you have ever read any posts when it comes to food stamps or people on Medicaid going to nursing homes etc., but many times there are "younger" posters who come out and write some pretty nasty things. First of all what they don't know is that assisted living and nursing home care IS expensive. Second, it's usually those with money who know and do protect the money/house so that there parent's bill is paid by Medicaid. Third, not everyone wants the taxpayer to foot the bill for such care, but that money does run out eventually. In my mother's case, in the area where I live and cost of care here, her money would run out in about 16 months. After that, then Medicaid would have to foot the bill. And fourth, there are those of us who have family members who could use the financial help and like me are doing whatever they can to keep the parent out of such facilities for as long as they can hoping that there may be something left over when the parent is gone to give the needy sibling.
Whatever one wants to believe, you will never truly understand what it's like dealing with a situation like this until you're actually in it or close to someone who is going through it. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Happy New Year Everyone
Well, here we are, the first day of a new year, 2015.
The passing of a year is bittersweet; we're glad that the experiences that caused us problems and stress are over and we're happy that we have the chance to start off with a clean slate and an optimistic, can-do attitude.
I've not made any resolutions this year, not because I don't meet them which is true, but my focus this year is to try to work on the patience I no longer have so that I can deal with my elderly mother who has dementia. And for those of you who have experienced caring for a person with dementia, you know it is not an easy task and that it only gets worse.
I'm also at that point in my life where I am starting to plan my retirement. I have decided due to the longevity in my family not to start collecting SS until I turn 70 which is 2 years from now. I still work full time and plan to work the additional 2 years, but this may not be possible due to changes currently underway by my employer. It is likely that no move will take place this year so I think, I will have at least 1 full year of working guaranteed; the second year uncertain. A move in the beginning of 2016 rather than at the end would cause me to have to dip into my 401K/IRA a year sooner and take in significant payouts the first year, but one has to do what they need to do.
I also have to concentrate on my health issues. While health is between good and fair, I have been diagnosed as being diabetic so knowing the effect being diabetic has on dementia, I must lose the weight I need to lose. Having dealt with both parents and dementia, there is no way I want to find myself in a similar state.
So, raise your glasses of fresh, clean water . . . Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!
The passing of a year is bittersweet; we're glad that the experiences that caused us problems and stress are over and we're happy that we have the chance to start off with a clean slate and an optimistic, can-do attitude.
I've not made any resolutions this year, not because I don't meet them which is true, but my focus this year is to try to work on the patience I no longer have so that I can deal with my elderly mother who has dementia. And for those of you who have experienced caring for a person with dementia, you know it is not an easy task and that it only gets worse.
I'm also at that point in my life where I am starting to plan my retirement. I have decided due to the longevity in my family not to start collecting SS until I turn 70 which is 2 years from now. I still work full time and plan to work the additional 2 years, but this may not be possible due to changes currently underway by my employer. It is likely that no move will take place this year so I think, I will have at least 1 full year of working guaranteed; the second year uncertain. A move in the beginning of 2016 rather than at the end would cause me to have to dip into my 401K/IRA a year sooner and take in significant payouts the first year, but one has to do what they need to do.
I also have to concentrate on my health issues. While health is between good and fair, I have been diagnosed as being diabetic so knowing the effect being diabetic has on dementia, I must lose the weight I need to lose. Having dealt with both parents and dementia, there is no way I want to find myself in a similar state.
So, raise your glasses of fresh, clean water . . . Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Another Year is Ready to Bite the Dust
I don't know about you, but to me, despite all the hassles I've had, this year has flown by faster than any previously.
I am fortunate in that I have only till December 19th to work and then I'm off until January 5th. It's the first time in many years that I've been able to take two full successive weeks off for vacation.
This year I finally made the decision to work 2 more years unless my company decides it will be moving closer to the city which is a 50/50 possibility right now. I do have my Plan B ready to put into place if need be, but the closer to the 2 full years of working that I can get will most definitely be better for me as I won't have to dip into my retirement account as fully as I would if I have to leave before age 70.
We, my mother and I, aren't planning anything really big for Christmas . . . it is only the 2 of us, but I did put up a tree and lights around the bookshelves in her apartment for us to enjoy this season. She's 94 and I don't know how much longer I will have her around so I want to do everything I can to make sure she has a pleasant holiday.
There are so many things I want to start doing next year and trying to put together some things in an attempt to create some passive income. I will have to contact my web host as I have been unable to publish to my website since they took off the FP extensions. I will try to make arrangements week of Jan 29 to do that.
Well to all of you I wish you the best holiday season ever. Have fun!
I am fortunate in that I have only till December 19th to work and then I'm off until January 5th. It's the first time in many years that I've been able to take two full successive weeks off for vacation.
This year I finally made the decision to work 2 more years unless my company decides it will be moving closer to the city which is a 50/50 possibility right now. I do have my Plan B ready to put into place if need be, but the closer to the 2 full years of working that I can get will most definitely be better for me as I won't have to dip into my retirement account as fully as I would if I have to leave before age 70.
We, my mother and I, aren't planning anything really big for Christmas . . . it is only the 2 of us, but I did put up a tree and lights around the bookshelves in her apartment for us to enjoy this season. She's 94 and I don't know how much longer I will have her around so I want to do everything I can to make sure she has a pleasant holiday.
There are so many things I want to start doing next year and trying to put together some things in an attempt to create some passive income. I will have to contact my web host as I have been unable to publish to my website since they took off the FP extensions. I will try to make arrangements week of Jan 29 to do that.
Well to all of you I wish you the best holiday season ever. Have fun!
Friday, September 19, 2014
Putting People Out of Work - Really Sucks
Well, I just got some disheartening news yesterday.
My friend and co-worker received notice that they are putting her on a 60-day "furlough" for lack of work but if the situation remains unchanged by that time, it will become a permanent layoff.
While I completely understand the need to let people go at times, it's the type of people that get let go.
A few months ago, they terminated a man with a family consisting of 4 kids and his wife; giving him absolutely no severance. Fortunately for him, however, he found a job in 1 month, which is nothing short of a miracle in today's job market.
My friend, on the other hand, just got back from maternity leave after giving birth to a beautiful little girl. She is the prime breadwinner in her family with her husband working part-time in a fast food franchise. She will tell you she loves to work and enjoys coming into the office every day and from her positive attitude, she truly does.
So why I am so angry?
I'm angry because these are the type of people that are let go, while they keep the slackers, the two 20-something kids who come and go as they please, yet still manage to report adequate project time and overtime. Quite amazing considering they have done none of the work that they charged time to. They're never here.
Hopefully some day the wheel will turn and they will get hit between the ribs. Right now, though, I'm just saying a prayer for my very special friend, the daughter I never had.
My friend and co-worker received notice that they are putting her on a 60-day "furlough" for lack of work but if the situation remains unchanged by that time, it will become a permanent layoff.
While I completely understand the need to let people go at times, it's the type of people that get let go.
A few months ago, they terminated a man with a family consisting of 4 kids and his wife; giving him absolutely no severance. Fortunately for him, however, he found a job in 1 month, which is nothing short of a miracle in today's job market.
My friend, on the other hand, just got back from maternity leave after giving birth to a beautiful little girl. She is the prime breadwinner in her family with her husband working part-time in a fast food franchise. She will tell you she loves to work and enjoys coming into the office every day and from her positive attitude, she truly does.
So why I am so angry?
I'm angry because these are the type of people that are let go, while they keep the slackers, the two 20-something kids who come and go as they please, yet still manage to report adequate project time and overtime. Quite amazing considering they have done none of the work that they charged time to. They're never here.
Hopefully some day the wheel will turn and they will get hit between the ribs. Right now, though, I'm just saying a prayer for my very special friend, the daughter I never had.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Life is Tough, Isn't it
I'm not writing this out of "sour grapes" because personally I have never been one to try to keep up with the Joneses because I never cared about what they had or didn't have. But there are some things that get to me on occasion.
When I first discovered Freecycle, I thought what a great way of helping preserve our environment especially in our "disposable" society. As many of you have, I've signed up in my local group and get the typical notices of people offering items as well as asking for them. I'm not really looking for anything but find the posts interesting.
But they do "bug" me at times also.
Take for example:
(1) the single mom (or so she says) who's car just broke down and proceeds to ask for a car. The message was sent through her IPhone. Sure, someone is really going to just give her a car...yeah, right. And if you're a single mom, then why on earth do you have an iPhone? Between the phone and the cost of the service, there's a monthly car payment.
(2) the mother who writes "my hard-working daughter is moving to her own apartment and needs everything." I'm sure this mother has helped where she could but did she also ask other family and friends? And if the daughter is so hard-working, she's never heard of Big Lots or KMart? Things there are NOT that expensive. Dollar Tree also works for me.
(3) the mother who wrote this morning asking for a Fridge and a stove (she probably lives in Scarsdale, has most expensive cable/internet/phone package and leases a car too), she writes:
"Hello everyone. I guess Lowes went out if (sic) business for a reason . My kitchen fridge stopped cooling just freezer works :-O and my stove only one burner working?? Both within two weeks please help if anyone getting rid of any gas stoves? Tight budget with my son going into private high school . thank you in advance
Sent from my iPhone
(4) the person who boasts about decorating her whole home from Craigslist and Freecycle and goes on to say she's looking for a bedroom set with specific wood color and exact measurements . . . sheesh!
Hello!
What are these people thinking? If you can't afford something, then maybe the reason is yourself and the choices you have made? And if you don't have the money, then you don't spend it on private schools or iPhones.
Shame on you; I have no sympathy.
When I first discovered Freecycle, I thought what a great way of helping preserve our environment especially in our "disposable" society. As many of you have, I've signed up in my local group and get the typical notices of people offering items as well as asking for them. I'm not really looking for anything but find the posts interesting.
But they do "bug" me at times also.
Take for example:
(1) the single mom (or so she says) who's car just broke down and proceeds to ask for a car. The message was sent through her IPhone. Sure, someone is really going to just give her a car...yeah, right. And if you're a single mom, then why on earth do you have an iPhone? Between the phone and the cost of the service, there's a monthly car payment.
(2) the mother who writes "my hard-working daughter is moving to her own apartment and needs everything." I'm sure this mother has helped where she could but did she also ask other family and friends? And if the daughter is so hard-working, she's never heard of Big Lots or KMart? Things there are NOT that expensive. Dollar Tree also works for me.
(3) the mother who wrote this morning asking for a Fridge and a stove (she probably lives in Scarsdale, has most expensive cable/internet/phone package and leases a car too), she writes:
"Hello everyone. I guess Lowes went out if (sic) business for a reason . My kitchen fridge stopped cooling just freezer works :-O and my stove only one burner working?? Both within two weeks please help if anyone getting rid of any gas stoves? Tight budget with my son going into private high school . thank you in advance
Sent from my iPhone
(4) the person who boasts about decorating her whole home from Craigslist and Freecycle and goes on to say she's looking for a bedroom set with specific wood color and exact measurements . . . sheesh!
Hello!
What are these people thinking? If you can't afford something, then maybe the reason is yourself and the choices you have made? And if you don't have the money, then you don't spend it on private schools or iPhones.
Shame on you; I have no sympathy.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Retirement Community Sites with No Costs
Recently I've been researching retirement communities in North and South Carolina for the sheer possibility that someday I might relocate to be closer to my sister. For most of her life, she and her husband have struggled to live and I figure that she'll someday need a place to live that she can't afford and need to share a place with me.
You can imagine how frustrating it is, however, to do a search and go to the sites only to find no cost information provided or if they do, it reads "starts at $2750 a month", "No Buy-In Fees", or "Low $200s" to "Low $300s". I'm not exactly sure why they won't put pricing up, but for the few that have, they actually believe that everyone in the U.S. spends $3000-$5,000 or more a month just on housing and utilities. (I happen to live just north of NYC and my monthly expenses are currently $817/mo, quite a big difference).
The managers/owners of these communities obviously want to get you to call them or visit so that they can give you the "hard sell", but the truth is that when I go to a site like this with no cost, I automatically assume that I can't afford it. I don't have the time to waste to call them only to find out that I was correct in my assumption or to listen to their speil as to why they think they're affordable and such a bargain. The truth is, they laugh all the way to the bank. And then you have those 47% of us who have spent our lives at a starting salary of $2,300 (yes at one time 4 figure salaries were "in") a year and are barely earning between $24,000 - 50,000 now who will need a place to go and there is nothing available that we can afford. And when by the time we reach our 90s, they want to throw us into a nursing home faster than we can say/spell our name.
For the few communities that do post pricing that is still higher than I'd like to pay but more reasonable, I'm sure there is a waiting list years long. Sure, I could stay where I am or find a place slighly cheaper somewhere, but the retirement or over 55 community offers a social aspect that is not typically found in your traditional apartment complex and that's what I'll be looking for once I leave the workplace. But, I don't think that it justifies an additional $2,183 - $4,183 a month premium.
I'm also smart enough to know that someday I may find myself in need of assisted living services or not want to cook again, but still, I shouldn't have to pay a several thousand dollar monthly premium for them or worse, even before I need them. I should be able to pay only for those services that I truly need.
I often wonder how many of you out there feel the same way I do. I'd like to hear from you.
You can imagine how frustrating it is, however, to do a search and go to the sites only to find no cost information provided or if they do, it reads "starts at $2750 a month", "No Buy-In Fees", or "Low $200s" to "Low $300s". I'm not exactly sure why they won't put pricing up, but for the few that have, they actually believe that everyone in the U.S. spends $3000-$5,000 or more a month just on housing and utilities. (I happen to live just north of NYC and my monthly expenses are currently $817/mo, quite a big difference).
The managers/owners of these communities obviously want to get you to call them or visit so that they can give you the "hard sell", but the truth is that when I go to a site like this with no cost, I automatically assume that I can't afford it. I don't have the time to waste to call them only to find out that I was correct in my assumption or to listen to their speil as to why they think they're affordable and such a bargain. The truth is, they laugh all the way to the bank. And then you have those 47% of us who have spent our lives at a starting salary of $2,300 (yes at one time 4 figure salaries were "in") a year and are barely earning between $24,000 - 50,000 now who will need a place to go and there is nothing available that we can afford. And when by the time we reach our 90s, they want to throw us into a nursing home faster than we can say/spell our name.
For the few communities that do post pricing that is still higher than I'd like to pay but more reasonable, I'm sure there is a waiting list years long. Sure, I could stay where I am or find a place slighly cheaper somewhere, but the retirement or over 55 community offers a social aspect that is not typically found in your traditional apartment complex and that's what I'll be looking for once I leave the workplace. But, I don't think that it justifies an additional $2,183 - $4,183 a month premium.
I'm also smart enough to know that someday I may find myself in need of assisted living services or not want to cook again, but still, I shouldn't have to pay a several thousand dollar monthly premium for them or worse, even before I need them. I should be able to pay only for those services that I truly need.
I often wonder how many of you out there feel the same way I do. I'd like to hear from you.
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